I am dreaming. I am dreaming that I am at our beach house in the South of France. That my mom is here visiting from America. I am dreaming that the alarm of the womans house in front of ours keeps going off at every freaking hour of the dead night, every night. Dozing in and out of sleep I wonder when the sirens in my dream will finally stop. I open my eyes and see the white walls of our small room at our beach house. I am not dreaming. I come out of my room and sit down at the breakfast table, Mariebeth brings my gigantic cup of steaming coffee and puts it before me. The shutters have all been opened and I look out over our pool. I finish my coffee and go to the house phone and dial the local police.
I start with ‘Bonjour, parlez vous un petit peu d ‘Anglais?’ which means ‘Good morning, do you speak a bit of English?’
The Police woman on the other end says ‘No Madame, désolé.’ which means ‘No madam, I’m sorry.’ I sigh knowing my French is just plain bad – and that’s on good days, but I am left with no choice.
I start ..’Bon. Moi je suis Madame Grace, j’habit ici a Cap Ferrat e moi j’ai un grande problème, parce que tout le fois je vien ici je ne peux pas dormir. Parce que d’avant mon maison il n’y a un madame completament fou avec un system di protection pour sa maison comme la Louvre, ma il n’ya pas La Louvre, e nous sommes pas a Paris!’
Translation – ‘ I am Mrs.Grace and I live here in Cap Ferrat and I have a very big problem because every time I come here I can not sleep. Because in front of my house there is a crazy woman who has installed an alarm system in her home that is nothing shy of what they have at the freaking Louvre!! Except it is not the Louvre and we are not in Paris!’
I’m on a roll I don’t stop.
“Je telefonez la derniere fois a vous, e vous n’avez pas faire rien. Maintenant moi je vais alla maison du Madame e moi j’enervez beaucoup parce che a tout l’heures il sont “MEE MAW MEE MAW ROO ROO ROO BEEP BEEP BEEP!!” Vous comprende? ” a dix heure, a minuit, alle trois heures, MEE MAW MEE MAW ROO ROO ROO BEEP BEEP BEEP!!!” I’m delirious from lack of sleep and I totally do not care that I am making alarm noises to the woman on the other end, I finish with “I KENNEDY ILS ‘ONT PAS un system d’alarme comme sa, vous compris…..?”
Translation – I called you last time and you have done nothing. Now I will have to go over to the house of this woman and become very upset because at all hours of the night I hear – (MEE MAW MEE MAW ROO ROO ROO BEEP BEEP). Do you understand? at 10pm at midnight at 3am (I make more alarm sounds) then I say ‘not even the Kennedy’s had an alarm system like this do you understand what I’m saying?’
The lady on the other end says she understands perfectly and she will send someone immediately, then she says to me..
“try to get some rest.” and she says this.. in perfect English.